If It Kills Me
by V0ID
Summary: Kallen fails to stop Lelouch from taking Refrain, and hallucinations aside they might just figure out what's going on between them.  But we all know how Rolo feels about people getting close to his big brother...
1. Higher

If It Kills Me, by V0ID

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..

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Ecstasy.

More potent than the glow of joy he got from seeing Nunally's smile.

Less bewildering than the spark of happiness he felt at a certain red-haired girl's laugh.

A slight prick, then an indescribable feeling. This was unadulterated, fresh and raw. A rush of pure pleasure, just...**soaring.**.. until the memories hit him with gargantuan force, some of which his mind had discarded to be replaced with the current ones of suffering.

The cruel metal girders under his hands melted into soft cushions as the drug first traced him back to times with Nunally and Euphy were happy and thriving.

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><p>Creating a palace of their own from pillows and blankets, not a care in the world. Nunally, being the youngest would often stumble over the monumental piles of fluff, only to be helped up by her loving brother's gentle hands. When they finished, a lopsided mound of cloth and feathers became their house, Lelouch the father and Euphy his wife.<p>

"But you haven't had a wedding!" insisted Nunally, and after begging the palace kitchens, the cooks gave each of the royal children a piece of cake, telling them to keep it a secret.

Euphy scolded her older half-brother, who was against the idea of the wedding and had tried to quickly scarf it down. "Don't eat it yet. Wait for us to have ours too!" The grown-up Lelouch could taste it's sweet cherry frosting on his tongue, despite how in reality he was lying intoxicated a dirty construction zone, plaster dust coating it instead. The fine, gilded marble paving the ground didn't betray the gritty dirt his feet were actually touching.

In his delusions, Nunally orchestrated the ceremony, and when she said that he may kiss the bride he brushed his lips on her cheek, causing the girls to burst into laughter.  
>"What did I do wrong?" he asked, confused and taken aback that they would laugh at their brother.<br>"Lelouch you weren't actually supposed to kiss her!" giggled Nunally, her tiny voice weaving into the present as Lelouch wished he had gotten a chance to when they had been older.

Those thoughts were drowned under the waves of another memory. However, this time the colours were less vivid, and a throbbing ache was beginning to form behind his vacant eyes.

The thrill of destruction, Tokyo Settlement in shambles as the infrastructure didn't stand a chance. The itch of laugher in his chest crescendoed into gales of maniacal cackling, the glorious fallen prince bringing down a symbol of hate. As the taste of anxiety was quelled by the demands of battle, Lelouchs vision faded back to the nightmare that was his life, where Euphy was dead by his own hand and Nunally was the enemy. Confused between which was real, he tried to stand, stumbling as double vision made everything swim. Eyes closing, he could still taste the last traces of cake frosting on his tongue.

_ Cheesecake...yummy..._ was the last thought to cross his still drug-affected mind as a dopey smile crept over his mouth. Unknown to him, the numbing illusions had kept him in the throes of mental instability for almost the whole day, no doubt causing his friends to worry.

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><p>One of his knees bloody, he must have fallen over and not known it, for when the blurry fog in his mind cleared he saw an unknown woman standing over him. Disappointed and scared, she snatched the empty Refrain container from the ground.<p>

"Lelouch! What the hell is this?" the now recognizable woman yelled.

Trying to find the right letters, it didn't help that his mouth was bone-dry, no doubt from the strange white powder he kept having to spit out.

"K-Kallen...it's n-not what-" having to stop as a force equivalent to a sledgehammer concussed his head like a pointed stake, driving all words out of him mind and leaving only one option; to clench his teeth and freeze with pain, not caring that she was still talking to him.

A stinging blow across his face, nails and all brought him back from the murky stupor threatening to overtake his vision.

"Don't give me excuses, Lelouch! I've seen it a million times before! My mother, I'll have you know, is an addict, something you'll soon become if you don't suck it up and act like a real person." despite her anger, tears formed in her eyes, and though she refused to free them they still were there, desperation and disgust.

He never realized that he was looking at her dumbly with his mouth agape all the while she was talking to him.

"in case you haven't noticed, you have an entire army thats nothing without Zero. So quit lying in the dirt like a baby and be the fearless leader everyone thinks you are!"

Trying to defend himself, he managed "But Nunally...Nunally hates me.."

"What about Japan? What about the the Japanese? Get your priorites straight, Lelouch. Or, should I say, Zero."

Lelouch didn't hear the last part of her tirade, for the Refrain was still in his system and he passed out again, slumping over with a contented sigh.

Kallen was trying unsuccessfully to move him from that position and Rolo, having followed her there, witnessed the one-sided argument between the two.

"Big brother! Lelouch!" Rushing to the older boy's side, Rolo was concerned at the sight of blood and how he didn't respond when his name was called. The panicked boy turned to Kallen with a look of pure concern.

"What's wrong with him? Why is he bleeding? I've got to get help!" After turning Lelouch on his back and checking for a pulse, he turned him to the side as to not swallow his own tongue. Lelouch giggled a little in his unconscious state whenever Rolo touched him, and it was a strange sound to hear from the man who planned to destroy the world. The desperate boy was mortified at the tinny sound, even more at loss for what action to take.

Strangely touched by Rolo's reaction, she tried not to let it show when she answered him. _Good job making Rolo upset, Lelouch._

_"_This idiot took Refrain...and a pretty big dose too, so it will probably wear off by tomorrow when he wakes up. The real problem is what to do with him until then. I mean, everyone from Ashford has gone on that stupid trip, so maybe we could take him to the hospital."

Calmed down considerably but not liking the direction this was taking, Rolo hated that that option was impossible. Despite putting on a cool exterior, he couldn't stand seeing his beloved older brother in pain.

"I don't think so. The OSI would definitely get suspicious when they learned about it. Besides, why would the excellent student Lelouch Lamperouge take drugs? If this got out it could also hurt his reputation at school, so we better not let anyone know."

After all other possibilities were exhausted, they decided on taking him to Kallen's house, figuring her step-mom would be out, and the following morning she could just say that a few friends had stayed the night. Ignoring all of their plan's implications, Kallen assisted the other boy in moving his brother to a taxi, and after such a journey they would soon reach their destination.

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><p>Don't do drugs:)<p>

The update schedule for this story is unknown, as I'm pretty busy with my main one In the End and I'm doing little short stories on the side.

I got a new idea for one called Demon or Death with Kallen as the main character. I'm not sure how long it will take to get out or if I will even write it but it's a possibility...yes...yes

This will be updated after all of this 4th of July madness is over... along with my short story. Sorry for any inconvenience.


	2. Afterglow

Chapter 2- Afterglow

_"Life is but a dream."_

Sorry this one took me so long -_-

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><p>The way Kallen was carrying Lelouch she would surely break one of his legs, for when one of his feet got caught in the banister, and she fixed the problem by giving it a sharp yank. Maybe it was just anger at how he had been drooling on her the whole taxi ride home, but Rolo protested the rough treatment anyway.<p>

"Be easy on him!" He followed closely behind her in case she dropped Lelouch, which seemed likely. The thick carpet muffled their steps, hopefully keeping their presence a secret from the sleeping household staff. After the ordeal of the staricase was over they both took one arm and dragged him where Kallen directed; a small guest room.

Dumping him on the floor, she self-consciencely brushed off her hands. "That's all I'm doing... you can sleep in the room across from-"

"No! No...I want be close so I can check on him. You said something like afteraffects? Will he be in a lot of pain?"

"He'll be fine, Rolo. Just let him sleep it off."

When Rolo made to argue she just gave him more more empty assurances, and exhausted after dragging Lelouch around went to her room down the hall. The older boy still lay on the floor, and with much difficulty Rolo finally got him in a comfortable position on the bed, taking extra care to smooth the raven hair flat over his sweaty forehead. He swiped the second pillow off of the bed and made himself comfortable on the floor; fancying himself his brother's protector.

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><p>A crown of flowers rested on Lelouch's brow, the fresh wind tugging at his clothes. Hearing a gurgle of voices he opened his eyes to see Euphemia standing over him, a barely lit room behind her.<p>

"Euphie." The voice he heard himself speak in was childlike, soft without its usual tones of aggression. When he called for her, the red-haired girl looked sad and moved away. A trickle of water trailed down his cheek to make dark patches on the pillowcase. _Wait...don't leave me on this hillside alone! Maybe things...will be ok now... O-K. Such a strange word. Can you pronounce it 'ock'? _The slight burn was absorbed as he drifted in a gray mist; awake but not awake, unmoving except for the occasional twitch...and not caring at all. In that mist people he didn't know said things he couldn't understand, the euphonious melody of the unknown gently washed away as Rolo's face came into focus. The boy's clothes were as rumpled as his hair, and after quickly glance down at himself Lelouch realized he looked much worse. A bright red stained his one knee, which hurt when he tried to move it.

Smiling with genuine warmth, Rolo almost raced over to the door and stuck his head out in the hall. He had woke up a few hours ago, watching the older boy for any sign of awareness.

"Kallen! He's awake!"

"…What….Rolo…" Lelouch croaked, a sour taste permeating his mouth. He fought waves of nausea and sat up, surprised to find blood where his face had been lying. Almost disbelieving, he groggily poked the sticky patch and put the finger in his mouth to taste it, missing his mouth and leaving an embarrassing smear of saliva across his cheek.

"Don't do that Lelouch." Rolo rushed to his side, wiping his cheek with a tissue. "She scratched you…Kallen did. We better get a bandage…" his voice raised to a yell. "HEY KALLEN, GET A BANDAGE!"  
>Hearing Rolo bellow all the way across the hall to her room wasn't the first thing Kallen wanted to hear in the morning, and after missing the bathroom lights a few times she opened the medicine cabinet and found the most embarrassing bandage she could, making sure it was garishly decorated with smiling cartoon characters.<p>

Entering the room she had appointed to Lelouch, Kallen flicked the piece of paper at him. Rolo shot her a look of disbelief but quickly averted his eyes as she snarled. "What? I'm not going to put it on for him and give it a kiss."

Having recovered enough sense to not try and drink his own blood, Lelouch quickly realized why Rolo was looking so uncomfortable. Apparently too exhausted to bother with it she'd slept in little more than her underwear, what she was wearing as she stood before them now. Lelouch was trying his best to also avert his eyes when Kallen took the hint, and seeing the mortifying outfit herself scrabbled for a blanket or anything that would provide some coverage.

Apparently hearing the commotion, Kallen's stepmother chose that exact moment to see why she heard a strange boy yelling around her house. "What's the shouting abou-" and seeing Lelouch and Rolo her bewilderment quickly turned to fury.

"WHO ARE THESE BOYS...they slept here? Why are you **dress-**, well, hardly dressed like that? Is he bleeding? All over the pillows!"

Though she wanted to yell back Kallen responded coldly, adjusting the duvet she had found like a towel. "_Mother_, these are my friends. As you've probably been too 'busy' to notice, most of Ashford is on vacation, so I said they could stay here for the night. No, I'm not asking for your permission, just stating a fact."

The woman looked like she had been slapped. "Well. Don't complain about the company I keep when you hang out with this trash. Isn't the brown-haired one underage?"

"It's not like that!" was all Rolo could interject. "My brother was hurt and she helped us. I'm Rolo Lamperouge, pleased to..." after seeing the woman's withering stare he retracted his hand and retreated to his brother's side. "Lelouch aren't you going to introduce yourself?" Despite his head feeling like it was full of stew, the older boy made an effort to sit up.

"Kallen I want them gone by noon. **No exceptions." **Pulling out her cellphone and flipping it on as she left, her stepmother slammed the door behind her.

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><p>This kept deleting my progress...so this is Version 5. =_=. Don't know when the next update is, busy with I.t.E. Have a few more chappys planned though, i know its kind of an awkward ending -_-<p> 


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